The Call to be Outcasts

I've been getting a lot of time to read lately, since I help the baby sleep by staying next to her. So, since mid-July I have been reading the unabridged Les Miserables. I've always loved the musical, and wanted to read the book in total which turned out to be about 1/2 social-political commentary and 1/2 plot. So if you want a republican, social justice view of 19th century France, this is your book! There also is a good amount of history, which I supplemented with wikipedia (lol). Anyway, I don't know any French, but apparently "les miserables" translates into something like "the outcasts," and if you look at each of the main characters, they are all some sort of outcast from society. You have Jean Valjean the exconvict, Fantine the former mistress of a wealthy student who was left with an illicit child, Cosette the orphan child being raised by the exconvict who is ignorant of the whole, the Thenardier family who spend their whole lives stealing from people, Javert who is a police officer standing outside society to keep order, Marius the orphan and republican student and so on.

The person I want to look at here is Jean Valjean. He spent 19 years in jail for things he realized he was stupid to do, but is filled with rage and hate. When he is on parole he discovers society's terror of him because he is an exconvict and while the bishop shows him love and mercy, he always retains this horror of himself. So while he successfully disguises his former identity as a prosperous mayor and factory owner, he lives in fear of his former self. He knows it exists within him, and no matter how many good deeds he does and no matter how virtuous he becomes he is always aware of who he is, Jean Valjean the exconvict. It does not matter that all he did was break a window and steal a loaf of bread when he was starving, he is an exconvict. As soon as people know who he is they are afraid of him and think he is awful. Yet, when they do not know who he is they recognize his saintly deeds and virtue and admire him.

There are several turning points where Valjean struggles with choosing the morally right thing, after his meeting with the bishop his conscience always overcomes and the choice always leads to him exposing his true self and being condemned by those who respect him. So naturally he is terrified of his exconvict self as well. No one seems to believe that an exconvict can be any good, that is until at the end one person knows his criminal history, but also all the good he has done. This person recognizes that he is a saint.

Jean Valjean represents the life of a saint. He has a conversion, turns from his old life, never does a wrong thing again and is constantly running from his former sins. He seeks the life of virtue and union with God, but is always aware of his sinful nature. He constantly condemns himself when he is already so good. He continues to find his weaknesses and overcomes them until he has completely abandoned himself to the point of physical death. I think this is how we are called to overcome our sins, to become more and more selfless so that we completely lose ourselves in God. We need to be horrified at our ability to sin and our past sins. Fortunately, God is much more forgiving than society, and we must run to him.

If we truly live the call to sainthood, we will be cast out of society like Jean Valjean was, though not in the same way. He was legally an outcast, but the way he lived also set him apart. He lived on the bare minimum and his only luxury was his love for Cosette, and when he lost her, he died. We also need something to flourish on, and Valjean says that this is love--without love the human soul dies, the human dies. So we must live the lives of saints with those whom we love and not fear the call to be outcasts. Tough stuff...

The Tragedy of Prof. St. Peter

I recently finished reading The Professor's House by Willa Cather. I was on a Willa Cather kick after reading My Antonia while on vacation, and M. gave me two volumes of her writings for my birthday. I have read several other novels of hers about fairly normal people living the not so interesting life they happened to be in; this book was a bit different. It struck me as more tragic than the other stories I had read by her. Life did not always turn out as the people expected, yet they made the most of it, but Prof. St. Peter had a good successful life and then found it to be empty and became apathetic about it, choosing to not draw pleasure from life anymore. It's like he committed suicide without actually killing himself, but just letting himself live as if he were dead.

In the novel he almost let's himself die on accident and is saved by the Catholic lady who sews for his daughters and wife. He is intrigued by the way this woman lived. Augusta seemed to have more dreams for herself, but never made it beyond being a seamstress. She was a practical woman, devoted to those she served. On the last page of the book the professor goes through his depressing transformation:
"All the afternoon he had sat there at table where now Augusta was reading, thinking over his life, trying to see where he had made his mistake. Perhaps the mistake was merely an attitude of mind. He had never learned to live without delight. And he would have to learn to, just as in Prohibition country, he supposed he would have to learn to live without sherry. Theoretically he knew that life is possible, may be even pleasant, without joy, without passionate griefs. But it had never occurred to him that he might have to live like that."

This is where he makes his tragic mistake, he looks to Augusta as an example of living life in this way without delights. For him this is what the Catholic life is like. Cather seems fascinated with Catholicism, but always emphasizes the sacrifices Catholics choose to make seeing them as a rejection of a pleasurable life. This seems to be the wrong view of Catholicism--she misses the beauty of sacramentality entirely. Her writing is very sacramental, but it seems she missed the point of it all--union with God. When one has union with God, it seems that life cannot be without pleasure (esp of the spiritual kind). Prof. St. Peter rejects the possibility of this union by choosing to be apathetic-lukewarm. And this my friends, is a tragedy.

On Some Surprises of Motherhood

One of the things that surprised me the most after the birth of my daughter G., was the amount of time it took for me to recover from giving birth to her and the physical change from being to pregnant to being not pregnant. I will not go into to many details here, but the changes consist of pushing a large head through a small opening with a muscle one does not generally use after spending hours contracting this muscle to get the baby low enough and after the child is born their is a complete change in hormones in the mother's body. So, anyway, I guess I expected to give birth and be as strong and healthy as I was before delivery. After all I had been taking 30-45 minute walks 4 times a week up through the day I went into labor, and had been jogging until my 6th month of pregnancy. I was healthy and fit, so why couldn't I pop the baby out and go on with life as usual?

I discovered that there is a reason one does not see a new mom and her baby very often after birth. Part of it is the pediatrician recommends keeping the baby away from people who may be sick for the first 6 weeks. Another reason includes that I was not allowed to drive for 2 weeks after delivery, or even take a walk. Really, all I wanted was have my energy back, and I did not have much energy at all. That was what was most frustrating, was that I wanted to be doing things and going places and was not allowed to and did not have the energy to do so. One might think that I would have been happy to sleep all day with the baby, but I was not.

So, finally about 6-8 weeks after delivery, I started feeling normal again. I understand now why it would be difficult for someone who did not think abortion was wrong to choose to have a baby that they were not expecting. It is a huge life change--even if one gave the baby up for adoption there still is the recovery from the labor. (Also, a postpartum body is never the same as it was before.) I am not saying that I support any decision to take a human life, I just think I have a bit more sympathy for someone who is ignorant of the truth of these matters. Further, it shows me how important it is to have children within the context of a loving marriage of a husband and wife. I depended on M. for many things after the birth of our daughter, even the simplest physical needs like getting something to drink. It does take a family to raise a child; parenthood is not easy. (Though it seems that some dads think it is a lot easier than they were expecting.)

Despite all of the difficulty surrounding bringing a child into the world, I cannot imagine my life differently. Children are such a blessing and a joy! It is amazing to see my daughter learn new things, to see her learn how to roll over, somehow maneuver herself a couple feet across the floor through her squirming, to bond with her as I feed her, to cuddle with her in bed, and to see her smile at me or even the stranger across the room. The funny thing is, now only 16 weeks postpartum, whenever I see a pregnant woman, I really want to be pregnant again--I guess motherhood is just as or even more fulfilling as I thought it would be.